Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2016

It's time to brush off all of the garbage and look through the gold! That's right, I'm counting down the very best of the best, the cream of the crop, of 2016. Remember my previous rules, and know that this time, I will be including two extra honorable mentions. I felt that after all of the bashing and raging, I didn't want 2016 to die out in a whimper. I wanted this year to be remembered for years to come. So, with that out of the way, let's get this show on the road!

Honorable Mentions

Too Good by Drake ft. Rihanna
(this song does not have a music video and I didn't want to encourage piracy so just listen to this song on Spotify or something)

This is a confusing song, and I'm not really sure what to make of it. Is it really that great? I don't know. Maybe it's just the overall sound this song is going for.  It's partially inspired by Soca music, a genre originating in Trinidad and Tobago in the 1970s. There's also a bit of R&B in there, but overall it's just plain moody. Seriously, this song is depressing. It's about a failed relationship where neither partner is really satisfying the other in any way, whether sexually or romantically, but they still want to fix everything and make things work out. It's kind of similar to Take Care, a song the pair put out back in 2012 about an equally-troubled relationship. I liked that song quite a bit, so that might be influencing my feelings quite a bit here. Overall, it's a pretty decent song.

i hate u, i love u by Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien

Never doubt the power of a lousy haircut. This song has been my mortal enemy since I first heard it on Spotify earlier this 2016, mostly because I could never justify why I liked it so much. Pretty much everyone else I ask has said they hate this thing. It's too whiny, too depressing, not performed well at all, etc. I don't know how you feel about that, but I just really like the song. Do I have a good reason for why? No. But hey, I like depressing songs as long as that's what they're going for, and this is definitely an example of that. An honorable mention placement feels oddly prophetic, like it was meant to be ever since I first heard it. This is one prophecy I'm glad came true.

All In My Head (Flex) by Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap

If you haven't realized it yet, I'm not too keen on Fifth Harmony. If I'm going to listen to a pop girl group, I'll just listen to The Spice Girls. This song is, for the most part, the exception. I think it might be Fetty Wap's absolutely magnetic presence on the third verse. He draws you in like nothing else, it's crazy. The members of Fifth Harmony themselves don't give bad performances themselves, each contributing something to the song in question that is at least memorable. I can actually tell them all apart now, for one thing. It's a party song about sex that's actually sort of sexy. Not much to be disappointed about here.

Tiimmy Turner by Desiigner

There's not much to say here. I just really like the production. The key change is probably the most satisfying key change I have heard all year. You really don't have to pay attention to the lyrics, they're sort of an instrument on their own. It's all about the beat, and that alone makes it my favorite straight-up hip hop track of the year (at least among hits).

Perfect by One Direction

 This song notched the very bottom slot of the year-end list, and I'm happy for it. I've heard some say it's a response to Style, a Taylor Swift song that's been rumored to be about her former relationship with Harry Styles, a member of One Direction. If it is, then it certainly shows that Harry handled the situation a lot more gracefully. It's fairly upbeat by failed-relationship-song standards, so it's got that going for it. Otherwise, yeah, not much to say it's a generally pleasant counterpart to the bittersweet Style, go ahead and check it out, this band really started to get tolerable after their second or third album, do not underestimate them.

Don't Let Me Down by the Chainsmokers ft. Daya

This is not my favorite Chainsmokers song, we'll get to that in a bit. Still, it's a fairly decent track. I'm not a huge fan of the first drop, it 's really off-putting and hurts the song a decent bit. However, I really do adore the second drop, it sounds amazing, and Daya's singing is fairly good on this. I enjoy the production on the verses, too, and really, this kind of song is all about the production. They're electronic music producers, not The Neptunes, I tend to have lower standards for these guys. Yeah, it's a flawed song, but overall enjoyable.

Cheap Thrills by Sia ft. Sean Paul

I don't love this song as much as I used to, but I still think it's pretty good. It's about being broke but still loving your life, partying and having a good time. You don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight. Yeah, I'll admit it's basically just a rejected Rihanna track, but I can't imagine this working quite as well if Rihanna performed it. I know a lot of people find this song painfully average, but it's still worth at least a listen.

The List Proper

Number 10: Ride by Twenty One Pilots

If you can't tell, sometimes depressing songs are really fun. Take this reggae-influenced pop rock track by indie favorites Twenty One Pilots, for example. A sleeper hit if there ever was one, this song originally came out in May of 2015 and yet wasn't released to radio until the following year, upon which it became a genuine smash, reaching number 5 on the Hot 100. I'm glad it did, it was one of the better songs off of Blurryface. If you want a happy song, you're not getting it here, look back in 2015 or something. It's a song about how life is terrible, people are terrible to each other, Tyler's terrible to himself, thinking about death is fun, why can't I be happier, oh God life sucks and we've all got crippling depression. Seriously, this thing is depressing. If you want to feel sad, but at the same time listen to some steel drums and synth overload, go on right ahead.

Number 9: Ex's & Oh's by Elle King

Now, I remember first hearing this song several months before it actually got popular, it was on a CD. This is probably the greatest example of a sleeper hit, as it was released in September of 2014, but didn't begin to chart until later the following year, and managed to carry over into 2016, hence why it's here. This is a supremely confident song with an awesome chorus, plus a great performance from Elle King herself. Though I do admit the music video is rather uncomfortbale. It's supposed to be this ironic reversal of "female objectification" in music videos for male performers, but I don't know, it just makes me uneasy. But hey, maybe that's the point and the other way around makes women uncomfortable. Either way, it's still a great song that's always worth a listen.

Number 8: Roses by The Chainsmokers ft. Rozes

Now here's that favorite Chainsmokers song I mentioned. This thing is more about the groove than the lyrics, like that last one I mentioned in the honorable mentions. There's a fairly chilling, futuristic vibe going on here. This is the result of Roses being of the "future bass" genre, one that is traditionally bass-heavy and wavy. That's probably how I'd describe this track, too. It's a weirdly soft, yet epic track with very little meaning, but it's all about the production. If you're gonna make the song all about the production, you'd better have good production, and that's what's going on here.

Number 7: Cold Water by Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber and MØ

Here comes Super Bieber, in his first appearance on this list. The next one will be fairly soon, so stick around for that. But yeah, Cold Water, what can you say? It's really a lot like how Roses was mostly about the production, only instead of future bass, we're going straight EDM. It's quiet and subtle when it needs to be, but when it has to get loud, it really cranks up the volume. It gets loud, it gets epic, it's a party train that never stops. What, you need substance? It's a love song, there's your substance for ya, throw away your Nirvana CD and shut up. The love aspect works well, but it's really about the party. Party time, excellent, doodly-doodly-doo. You get the gist of it.

Number 6: Starboy by The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

So, I did not have a lot of hope going into The Weeknd's third major studio album Starboy, mostly because I wasn't a huge fan of the album that came before it. Sure, there were some standout singles, but on the other hand, The Hills was both an overplayed song and an awful one, and there were very few memorable album tracks. When Starboy came out... sure it had many of the same problems. The singles were still good, though. Take the lead single from that album, also called Starboy, for example. If at first you think the lyrics are vapid, shallow, and have a frat boy-like attitude... yeah, that's kind of the point. This and most of the singles off of it have a much edgier attitude than last time around, and that definitely helps. It's about how, despite how extravagant and fun the celebrity lifestyle appears, it also exposes one's inner demons and makes them fragile, prone to breaking. It's basically turned this character into a petty jerk who spends extravantly, is extremely vulnerable, and he's basically a pathetic wreck now. It's a gloriously dark song handled extremely well.

Number 5: Let Me Love You by DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber

One might argue that this does not deserve to be here. Therefore, one would be wrong. This is my highest-scoring song that I have reviewed so far (I'm not counting Get Lucky), and though one song I've reviewed has risen above its previous rank, this is still a glorious piece. We've got DJ Snake being DJ Snake here, and though I do admit he was upstaged by someone else (we'll get to them near the top of the list), he still didn't have a bad year. I don't know if this is even the best song he put out this year, but it's his best hit at least. The verses have an airy, somewhat upbeat vibe despite the key, and I've got to give Justin Bieber plenty of credit for actually projecting some emotion with his infamously personality-less voice. This is definitely the best thing that Bieber has put out this year. It looks like this song's gonna appear on the 2017 year-end list as well, so that's awesome. Overall, DJ Snake provides the good sounds, and my shrine worshiping him has continued to find reason to exist. 

Number 4: In the Night by The Weeknd

On this single from his Beauty Behind the Madness album, The Weeknd sings about his favorite topic: Women doing things that really aren't good for their physical/mental health. In this case, it's stripping and having abusive partners. If you take a shot every time he says the word "she," I bet you'll get sick before you finish the song. Joking aside, I really love this thing. This is definitely the most "pop" The Weeknd has ever gotten, and even after he released his third album, it's still the most "pop" thing he's ever done. For one, it's produced by Max Martin, the most prolific pop producer of the 21st century. Second... well, it's literally just vaguely-80's throwback pop music. There's no walking around it. But sure, I'll take it. The Weeknd really does sound a lot better when he's not trying to do low and crooning, because the dude's voice is so high-pitched it's hard to take him seriously when he does that. Insanely catchy, dark vocals... all elements of a good pop song.

Number 3: Hymn for the Weekend by Coldplay

This is basically the surprise pick for the top 10, and I don't think anyone loves this song as much as I do. It pained me that this wasn't the list-topper, but alas, it was not meant to be. Coldplay had a really good year (heck, Adventure of a Lifetime just narrowly missed the cut for the honorable mentions because I didn't start to appreciate it until very recently), and this is the most notable evidence of that. This is definitely the catchiest, most fun pop song to come out this year. Everything about this feels so... pleasant. The lyrics are all about feeling in love, it's like if booze and drugs didn't shut down your organs and kill you from the inside. All you get are the positive vibes. Love's like drugs, it gets you high. That's basically the gist of the lyrics. The production and performances are all a fun time, a great time to be had. It's fun, it's amazing, and it makes me super-happy whenever I listen to it.

Number 2: I Took a Pill in Ibiza (SeeB Remix) by Mike Posner

Remember this guy, Mike Posner? He had a few hits in 2010-2011 but only the first one, Cooler Than Me, is well-remembered today. After those years he slipped into obscurity, wrote a few songs for Justin Bieber and Maroon 5, and reemerged with his acoustic album At Night, Alone, with this being the only hit off of that album. Nevertheless, it wasn't until the Norwegian production duo (now trio) Seeb got a hold of it that this song really started to take off, and I'm thankful for it. The remix got rid of every negative aspect of the original and amplified all of the good stuff. This is a depressing song where Posner reflects on how he's not famous anymore based on this experience he had on a trip to Ibiza, an island near Spain. Basically, he's at this party that the Swedish music producer Aviici had invited him to, he's super-drunk, and only one person actually recognizes his guy, and the one guy offers him the titular pill. After the pill and the booze wore off, he sobered up and "felt ten years older." The realizations it brought on hit him like a truck, so he wrote this song. It's an absolutely fascinating topic for a song, and it certainly made for a good one. While the original was acoustic folk pop, Seeb's remix is straight house music, which in an odd way made the song more upbeat and at the same time a whole lot sadder. It took me a while to realize how great this song was, but now every time I listen to it I can appreciate all of the great stuff going on here. If you want more of Seeb's material, they've got a really good remix of the above Hymn for the Weekend that's basically just as good as the original. Hell, I'd argue that remix was the only reason that song managed to do so well in the United States in the first place. Seriously, check it out.

Number 1: Into You by Ariana Grande

Near-perfection. Everything about this song is great. Literally everything is worth remembering, worth listening to, it's an instant classic. Though it's not the most fun to jam to, it's not the most meaningful, or even the most interesting, it's easily the most perfect. There is literally nothing wrong here. Nothing. The performance is great. The production is great. The writing is great. It's actually sexy. Like, it's a song about wanting to shag that actually feels like the singer actually wants to shag. That's not a mental vision anyone needs, but hey, still better than "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on," the single worst metaphor for sex I've ever heard during my pop music listening adventures. There's very little I have to say about this song, just listen for yourself. Seriously, it's great.

This is to the end of 2016. See you guys soon, and have a happy new year.

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2016

Well, here's the worst of the worst. The top 10 worst hit songs of 2016, plus the dishonorable mentions, will be the subject of this list. I decided to cover the worst songs first so I could end the year on a high note with the best list, and also because most other people also do the worst list first.

Now, there weren't a lot of awful songs this year, mostly just average. That may not sound terrible, but remember that 2015 was one of the best years for pop music in quite a while, with some of the best of 2014 bleeding in and the worst being left behind. I didn't even mind all of the stupid Vine fads making it to the charts, because we've had memes on the charts since Crank That (Soulja Boy) back in 2007. I would have had a lot of trouble coming up with a list of bad songs that year. This year, not so much. I actually had to cut a few songs from the dishonorable mentions so the list wouldn't drag on for too long. So, why don't we take some time to go over these songs. These are the songs I would love to leave in the past. Let's do this.

Dishonorable Mentions

7 Years by Lukas Graham

I don't hate this song as much as a lot of people do. I mean, I don't like it, I find it annoyingly smug and unbearable. Still, I can tell the writers weren't trying to be smug, they were just trying to sound grateful for their opportunities. Would I recommend this band? No. It's still annoyingly smug and unbearable, as are a lot of their songs.

Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes

Here's another guy who can't tell when he's being annoying or not. Shawn Mendes, a well-meaning teen from Toronto, is unable to write to save his life. He gets assistance from former teen pop singer Teddy Geiger to write this track, and it really shows. "I'm just gonna assume you're not happy with this guy and tell you this straight to your face without asking first so I can hopefully make you sleep with me instead of that guy." That's basically it.

The Hills by The Weeknd

This song is basically everything wrong with The Weeknd rolled up into one package. It's got a whiny attitude. It has gratuitous amounts of sex. There's an individual woman who's always doing things she shouldn't be doing. The production is dark and unpleasant. Every bad The Weeknd song has one or more of those elements, and this song is a good example to show people who ask why I used to hate this guy.

Hide Away by Daya

I had to get the obligatory teen pop out of the way some time, so here's this year's breakout teen pop star Daya with her first real success, Hide Away. It's about as banal and lame as it gets. My personal favorite lyric is right in the bridge, where she quite literally says "to be fly as a mother," basically trying to be hip while sounding quite the obvious. At least her follow-up Sit Still, Look Pretty had a good enough message; this is just her whining about how "good boys" go after vapid women and never notice her. 

Wicked by Future

This song never made the top 40 of the weekly Hot 100 this year, and was one of three songs on the Year-End list to do so (the others being Really Really by Kevin Gates and See You Again by Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth, though the latter was a carry-over from 2015 where it topped the chart). This is an entirely pointless song with very few redeeming qualities and very little effort put into it. The one saving grace is the production, which fits perfectly fine, and the fact that I can't get mad at this like I can the stuff on the top 10. Speaking of that top 10, let's get straight to them.

The List Proper

Number 10: Starving by Hailee Steinfeld and Grey ft. Zedd

This song just narrowly made the list, beating out 7 Years to take the number 10 spot. Unlike 7 Years, which was annoying in its egotism, this one is just plain stupid. The verses are played on acoustic guitar for the most part (at least the first ones), so at first it sounds fine. Then Haille Steinfeld opens her mouth. Look, I like Hailee Steinfeld as an actress, but she really should stick to acting. Her breakout success was called Love Myself, and was quite literally about "loving" yourself. This time around, one isn't enough, and she's in love. The lyrics are really awful here, like, a special kind of bad. "Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo." Sure. Not even the production can save it; it's all very generic-sounding and very stupid, much like the rest of this song.

Number 9: Work by Rihanna ft. Drake

2016 could possibly be described as the year that tropical music returned to the mainstream. So much tropical, dancehall, and reggae-inspired music made it on the charts that it started to get rather annoying when the new big single was yet another tropical song. Work came out before that sentiment started to show, but that doesn't make the song any less bad. Despite feeling at least partially authentic (heck, some of the writers are from Jamaica and Rihanna sings part of the song in Jamaican Patois), it all feels very drab. Nothing about this song is fun at all. The production is especially depressing, with no life whatsoever. Both vocalists sound incredibly bored, too, and Drake once again gives a disappointing delivery for a disappointing year. Come on, you two can do better than this.

Number 8: Heathens by Twenty One Pilots

Alright, Suicide Squad comes out and everyone is excited. When you actually go to see it, you realize it's pretty terrible. One thing that's really not good about the movie is the soundtrack. There was no original song on that album that I would consider good; this song isn't even the worst thing on that soundtrack. Once again, this is a production issue. Not only is it drab and depressing, but it isn't even well-made. Every point I made in my review I did from way before the movie even came out stands, so I'm gonna keep this brief. Simply, every conceivable thing about this song sounds wrong, and that's all there is to it. It's not terrible, it's just wrong.

Number 7: One Dance by Drake ft. Wizkid and Kyla

This song here was the biggest success off of Drake's 2016 album Views, and probably the worst of those to make this list. He's going for this dancehall-afrobeat fusion (the album had a lot of dancehall, let's admit that), but it really doesn't work. Kyla's lyrics are actually a sample of her collaboration with the Crazy Cousinz titled Do You Mind, and the sample doesn't work. Wizkid's lyrics sound phoned in and don't work. The writing feels lazy. The production is boring. Drake's performance is as dry as the Serengeti. Nothing here works. It's all a mess, and it was overplayed to hell and back. Just listen to the three singers' other material, don't bother with this.

Number 6: Work From Home by Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla Sign

Ah, yes, Fifth Harmony, the girl group that only wishes they were as good as the Spice Girls. They're here with their second hit, and easily their most successful single to date. Not only does this song say the word "work" far more than the song that's just called Work, but it's also far more annoying. Not one performer on this song gives it their all. The beat is fairly minimalist, at least Starving from earlier on this list had an interesting beat, but much like Starving, the lyrics are purely stupid. Various labor-based metaphors and less-than-clever innuendo. Hey, I like a good doin' it song once in a while, Marvin Gaye was great at that, but at least be clever or, dare I say it, sexy. Ty Dolla Sign doesn't help either, he just falls into the same pitfalls as Fifth Harmony's members do.

Number 5: Sucker for Pain by Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa and Imagine Dragons with Ty Dolla Sign and Logic ft. X Ambassadors

Here's the other Suicide Squad soundtrack cut that made the list, and it's definitely the worst of them. It's sort of hip-hop, but they have rock bands perform the chorus, only it's just the one rock band (Imagine Dragons) and the other (X Ambassadors) is only there for a single repeated line on the outro. You could take them out and nothing would be changed, just have the singer of Imagine Dragons perform that part. The rappers are no better. Look, it's Ty Dolla Sign's second appearance on this list. It's not that he's bad, he probably has the best verse here, but he's so forgettable. The first time I listened to this, I couldn't figure out which one Ty Dolla Sign was (he's the first rap verse, by the way). If he's the best verse, then how are the others? Logic tries hard but fails, and the other two rappers don't even try whatsoever. The beat isn't even catchy, this thing doesn't even have memorability going for it. The only thing I can remember are the chorus, the outro and Lil Wayne's "peanut butter and jellyfishes" line. There is almost nothing worthwhile about this.

Number 4: Same Old Love by Selena Gomez

I hate this. I hate this a lot. It isn't even that horrible on a technical level, I just really, really hate it. The same few notes are played over and over and over and over again throughout the song and it's already annoying by the first verse. There's this shrill synth note, maybe a light tap, and those three things are pretty much the only instrumentation you'll hear for most of this. It's some of the worst production I've heard all year. Let's not forget about Selena Gomez herself. No one can quite understand why she's big, they just kind of accept it. I mean, I thought she was alright when she had the Scene backing her, but her solo career has not been noteworthy whatsoever, even producing some songs I actively disliked, this one included. I can appreciate that she's not going for her usual bored monotone, but that's about all I can appreciate here. Just pass.

Number 3: Gold by Kiiara

Call me old-fashioned, but I like my pop music to have a little bit of rhythm to them, a bit of substance. Here, we have by far the most minimalist song on the year-end list, and it isn't even good at that. I've heard a lot of people compare this song to Lorde's output, and yeah, I guess I can kind of see that, but at least with Lorde there was something there. This is worthless, meaningless cardboard. Okay, meaningless is not necessarily true, there's some meaning to this song. There is sort of this combination of hip-hop bragging with being mad at her (former) partner. She's confident. She's so over this guy. She's so over it, she cared enough to make a song about how much she didn't care! Yeah, that's a cliché I'm tired of, claiming you don't care but acting in a way that suggests you do without any hint of irony whatsoever. Yeah, I don't know if the rest of the album this comes from (Low Kii Savage; yes, she really wants to be hip) is any better, but I sincerely hope it is.

Number 2: Pillowtalk by Zayn

Okay, Zayn Malik leaves One Direction and starts a solo career, records an album, and puts this out as the first single. What kind of first impression does that leave? Well, besides the fact that Zayn can't stand on his own as a performer at all and really needed One Direction to help him stand out at all. This song just plain sucks. This is a sex song, plain and simple. Like I said, I like a good sex song. This, however, is not a good sex song. I'd argue this song is even less sexy than Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor's ironically-named collaboration titled Marvin Gaye, one of the absolute worst songs to come out in 2015. This is barely even musical. It's probably the least memorable song to come out this year, other than that I remember it for being terrible. If this wasn't a former One Direction member, I don't think anyone would have bought this. It's pure star appeal. Let's just get to number 1 and finish this up.

Number 1: Me Too by Meghan Trainor

Behold, complete trash. This is the worst hit song- no, the worst song period, of 2016. There is nothing good about this song whatsoever, goddamn it. Every second, ever minute, is total garbage. The production is all over the place. The singing is lousy. The lyrics are obnoxious. Actually, I don't even want to talk about this song anymore. Just listen to the song. It'll tell you everything you need to know.

Well, that was my list. Overall, quite a long list of crap. The dishonorable mentions list would have been longer, but I had very little to say about many of them. The honorable mentions list could possibly be longer, but it will likely take me quite some time to get to the best list. There just wasn't a lot of great songs this year. Still, I will make the list, and I hope you return to read it. Until next time.

Best and Worst Hits of 2016 (Introduction)

The year-end list has finally arrived. As compiled here and here, we have an official list of the 100 biggest, most successful songs of the 2016 chart year, extending from early December of 2015 to late November of 2016. I figured this would be a good time to explain what I'm working on now.

Overall, 2016 has been a weak year for pop music when compared to 2015. Not only are there less good songs, but there have been a lot more meh-worthy songs too. Still, it's not like this year was devoid of either extreme. There was greatness, and there was trash, and I'm going to compile both. Yes, I am going to give the top 10 best and worst of this year, with a few honorable mentions to go around for each. I shall explain my rules for this list in full.

1. I will only be including songs that charted on the year end list for the top 10's. That means that songs such as Juju on That Beat, 24k Magic or Black Beatles will be illegible for this list, but if they make 2017's year-end list they will be eligible for that corresponding list.
2. For (dis)honorable mentions, I may break this rule to talk about a song I really liked or disliked but did not make it onto the list.
3. I will be allowing songs that showed up on the 2015 year-end as long as they also appear on the 2016 year-end. The same will go for 2016 and 2017.
4. The scores I gave in my reviews no longer matter. Those were for how I felt when I wrote them, this list is how I feel right now.
5. That being said, I will not give each song a new score this time around. Too much effort.
6. Since this is a top list, this will be ordered in terms of quality, number 1 being the best/worst and number 10 being least-awful.
7. Honorable mentions will be reserved either for (see rule 2) or a song that just narrowly failed to make the cut by either being not good enough or not bad enough.

With all of that being said, thank you for your patience, and I'll try to get the lists done before January. I'll catch you next time.