The Absurdly Late Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2017 (with honorable mentions)

It's two (nearly three) months late, but... hey. It's nice to remember stuff.

Here we are. It's time to take our gloves off and toss them in the trash, these songs don't need them. Yep, these are the songs I would actually listen to again. Honestly, this list was a lot harder than the worst list because there were a lot more songs this year that I actually liked. There were even songs I had to cut altogether because I didn't have enough room. A darn shame, but that's how it is.

As always, I have seven honorable mentions that I'd like to get through first before I can talk about the absolute best this year had to offer. With that said, let's just plain do it.

Let Me Love You (DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber) (YE Position: #46)

Another repeat from last year. Generally, if I have any potential repeats, I'll only talk about one in depth, no more, no less. But yeah, this is still pretty amazing. This is here for the same reason Starving was on the honorable mentions of the worst list, I wanted to give the newer songs a chance to shine. With that said, I'd probably put this around #8 or #7 on the best list otherwise, it's still really solid.

Redbone (Childish Gambino) (YE Position: #25)

Behold, the absolute weirdest song to get popular this year. Especially odd considering how high it placed, 25/100 is no joke. But yeah, here's famous comedian and actor Donald Glover using his rap stage name Childish Gambino to sing some soul music with a hint of 60s/70s throwback. What could go wrong? Memes, that's what. Thanks to this song's usage in memes, it shot up the charts and eventually peaked at #12 on the weekly Hot 100. "What Redbone would sound like if ____" videos were everywhere in May and June of 2017, and I'm thankful for them because they let something weird, different, yet catchy and memorable gain more traction than it would have otherwise. Thank you, memes, what would I do without you?

 Feel It Still (Portugal. The Man) (YE Position: #45)

Speaking of throwbacks, here's a song all about throwbacks. Portugal. The Man are insanely indie, so this crossing over was very much along the lines of Redbone crossing over; weird and unexpected. Only, instead of memes, this song got big off of commercial appearances. At least it's better than Thunder. I already did a review of this, so go ahead and check that out for more detailed information. But yeah, the retro-throwbacks don't always work, but besides that we still have a solid little party song here. Good for rebelling just for kicks.

Passionfruit (Drake) (YE Position: #65)

https://open.spotify.com/track/5mCPDVBb16L4XQwDdbRUpz

(again, no video, so use Spotify, the link should work)

Yay, an actual good Drake song. Joy to the world. Passionfruit here is a good song for creating a moody kind of vibe when you wanna think about relationships that just didn't work out. Just take this one that's described here, it's in the process of not working out but Drake here is just hoping that it can. Long distance relationships are risky, I'm sure, and here Mr. Aubrey Graham is talking about an attempt to make it work but... well, it's long-distance. Long-distance just generally doesn't work out, he knows it, but he doesn't know any other way he can even try to make it work. It's sad.

Malibu (Miley Cyrus) (YE Position: #89)

I don't think anyone was expecting any kind of return-to-form for Miley Cyrus when she put this out back in May. I mean, sure, it fell off hard, but so did a bunch of songs this year. But anyway, Malibu. It's nice to see artists mature, so this was a nice thing to hear. Gone is Bangerz-era Miley, and now we have country-esque Miley. Malibu is just a song that makes me happy every time I hear it, it's honestly surprising. It's a really pleasant, really sentimental kind of tune that gives me oddly nostalgic vibes, and I feel great listening to this.

iSpy (Kyle ft. Lil Yachty) (YE Position: #28)

Yep. No, they're not tiny, it's just a weird and creepy video. I'd just minimize the video while you listen to the song. Much like Malibu above, it's mostly a happy vibes kind of song. Instead of being warm and soft, this is light-hearted and goofy. Not much to say, other than Kyle's a surprisingly solid performer with a lot of good work under his belt, go check him out.

Drowning (A Boogie wit da Hoodie ft. Kodak Black) (YE Position: #81)

This is the version without Kodak because I like this version better, bite me. He's ugly and I hate him and I would never support anything he does... which is why I'm here supporting a song he featured on. Huh. Anyway, this is probably the one I can justify my fondness for the absolute least, I'm not even sure if this is a good song or not. Then again, the same thing applies to my #10 pick, so... oh well. Honestly, you could consider this a joint entry with Magnolia by Playboi Carti, but I chose this one as even though Magnolia had one of my favorite beats of the year, A Boogie's delivery is just so much more interesting and less mockery-inducing than Carti ever will be. Plus, this has an actual hook, and by God it's catchy. One of the catchiest rap songs of the year, even if it doesn't have much lyrical depth.

Well, here we are. The top 10. I'm just as ashamed of some of these picks as you're gonna be. With that said, here it goes.

10. XO Tour Llif3 (Lil Uzi Vert) (YE Position: #13)

No, that's not real Arabic in the subtitles, it's gibberish. But yeah, XO Tour Llif3. I'm not even sure if this belongs in the top 10, but whatever, it's here anyway. 2017 was a good year for overall weird-sounding hits and songs to cross over. If you want an example... this isn't it, number 9 and 8 are but whatever. I was gonna go on about how there was so much trap music on that year-end list, it was definitely a significant percentage. This was honestly one of my favorites to cross over, and for good reason. The word of the day, kids, is "interpretation." How one person interprets a song may be different from how another person interprets it. Where you see a mindless drug and money-flexing anthem, I see a song about a tortured youth resorting to hiding his emotions with a vapid lifestyle and opioid abuse to try and get over a break-up. Sure you may find his voice annoying, I'm sure a lot of people do, but I can tolerate it. The song's really deeper than a lot of people give it credit for. Maybe I'm delusional, but I can find a lot to like here.

9. Sign of the Times (Harry Styles) (YE Position: #87)

I know a lot of people went crazy for this track, and really, I can't say the same. It's pretty solid, though, can't argue against that. It's really strange seeing something like this chart, though it really shouldn't be. Harry Styles was always the one people assumed would have the most successful solo career of anyone from One Direction... and of course that's not how it's worked out. Zayn Malik and Niall Horan have had far more successful solo careers because they've been following music trends. Harry Styles is off doing his own thing and making 70s-inspired rock, with this being the most popular and ballad-y of the bunch that got any sort of attention. This is just a big song, that's the best way I can describe it, it's just... big. Styles's voice is loud and booming when it has to be, yet soft when it has to be soft as well. The production is just... big, it all feels very natural. Nice to have real-sounding instruments once in a while. And of course it just absolutely massive once the chorus rolls around and the song nears its end. What a grand song.

8. Down (Marian Hill) (YE Position: #90)

Remember Gold by Kiiara? Imagine that, but good, and you have this. Here we have Philadelphia-based electronic duo Marian Hill (staring producer Jeremy Lloyd and singer Samantha Gongol) and their song that got big off of an Apple commercial. This is minimalism done right, this is vocal stutter loops done right, this is so many bad pop cliches done correctly it's honestly not even funny. While Gold was glitchy and unfinished-sounding, this feels like a cohesive product, and it's all the better for it. A nice little bit of piano, hi-hats, and some really nice vocals from Samantha Gongol help set the tone for an overall great song to vibe to. I haven't heard to any of Marian Hill's other work, but if it's anything like this, I'd totally dig it.

7. Location (Khalid) (YE Position: #21)

Lil Uzi Vert may have topped Billboard's Best New Artist list, but the real breakout artist of the year was Khalid. American Teen was a surprisingly decent album with quite a few standout tracks, this one included. This here is a fairly slow, fairly moody bit of R&B that wound up being something of a sleeper hit with surprise longevity. I mean, it only peaked at #16 on the Hot 100 and yet there it is as the 21st biggest song of the year. I'm all the happier for it, this is something that took a while to grow on me. It seems like a generic love song, but it really isn't, there's a lot of heart here. It's a song about young love from a guy who feels like he's genuinely felt it, it feels like he's been there. It helps that Khalid here is a young guy himself... also oh God his voice is amazing I love it. So yeah, real genuine song, real beautiful sound, I like it.

6. Water Under The Bridge (Adele) (YE Position: #88)

Man, these "- Topic" YouTube channels are really a blessing. Shame none of Drake's new music is up on his or I'd use those instead of Spotify links for those songs, but oh well. Similar to Location, which took a fair bit of time to grow on me, this took me until the making of this very list to realize how much I loved it. Adele is a goddess, nothing is going to change that, I adore her greatly and dearly and anyone who disagrees is... wrong, or something, I don't know. But yeah, this song. Not much to say about it, in all honesty. It's one of Adele's few actual love songs, most of her material deals with either nostalgia or nasty break-ups. I'm glad she decided to do something different because, being the goddess she is, she can make it work regardless. Her grandiose delivery lends well to this kind of song and helps it feel big and powerful in all the right ways.

5. What About Us (Pink) (YE Position: #84)

Nice to have you back making actual good music, Pink. I'm glad for you. So yeah, this is Pink's big hit single from her new-ish album Beautiful Trauma. Overall, not a perfect album, but it was a pleasant listen. Now, this was Pink's first real great single in a long time, you may remember that I wasn't too fond of Just Like Fire last year for example. But this... wow. I think my favorite thing about it is the backing instrumental. Oh, and Pink's voice, that's always a plus. Honestly, there's not a lot to say about this besides... well, it's nice. It's also weirdly political for a Pink song, usually she's got other stuff to be angry about, but she's going straight for the topical issues here. More and more, people are coming to the realization that the world is terrible and nothing is done about it, and people are bitter and upset about it, and this kinda shows that in a basic, yet still kinda authentic way.

4. Paris (The Chainsmokers) (YE Position: #42)

...featuring uncredited vocals from Emily Warren. There's your elephant in the room. But yeah, this is a song built entirely around the production, and by God is this some great production work. I mean, sure, Andrew Taggart is an okay singer, I guess, and Emily Warren kind of exists, I guess, but they aren't why this works. Far from it, if anything they're the weakest parts. No, much like What About Us above, I'm here for that sweet production. It's sleek and glossy, like an old disco tune. In fact, it reminds me of a very specific song from earlier this decade, M83's Midnight City, a song that garnered astounding amounts of acclaim and is widely regarded as one of the best mainstream EDM tunes of the entire decade. And I mean, sure, Paris is probably a ripoff, but it's better than trying to rip off Meghan Trainor at least. It's that saxophone, oh my God the saxophone. Any song with a saxophone is improved tenfold in my books.

3. Unforgettable (French Montana ft. Swae Lee) (YE Position: #15)

...I can't believe it either. That really annoying dude from Rae Sremmurd teamed up with French Montana, the most boring man alive, to create a real jam of a tune. Turns out the best way to make Swae Lee sound good is to drown him in autotune to try and make him sound as much like The Weeknd as humanly possible (Starboy is still great, by the way), and really he's the one who's carrying this track, French Montana is surprisingly on here very briefly. To that, I say... oh well. That's fine, I guess. Like Paris above, I'm mostly here for that production work. It has a very interesting dancehall inspired tune, but it's far from the tropical house sound that dominated 2016 and early 2017, and I'm all the more thankful for it. And... by God, Swae Lee actually sounds amazing with all those filters over his voice, it's kinda surprising. I'm just trying to stretch this out longer than I have to, really, it's just a solid song and I don't have a lot of words for it. Take a listen if you haven't already.

2. DNA (Kendrick Lamar) (YE Position: #62)

God of hip hop, everyone. Kendrick Lamar first saw recognition around 2011 thanks to his breakthrough album Section.80, which paved the way for several critically acclaimed projects including his most recent album DAMN., which isn't quite his most critically-acclaimed album but is definitely his most successful single-wise, having three top-20 singles... and this isn't even one of them. Yeah, this wasn't released as a single and yet made it on the year end list anyway thanks to that amazing music video featuring Don Cheadle as well as the buzz surrounding that Fox News sample. Besides all that, it's a surprisingly introspective where he goes through various topics in rapid fire succession, ranging from his heritage, culture and success to how others see him because of these things. It's very fast-paced, it's very energetic and aggressive, but it's not angry. It's reflective, but at the same time, it's good pump-up music. Yeah, I think you'll notice a pattern with my favorite songs this year, a lot of them were great because they gave me a good vibe, and this was definitely my pump-up jam for the year. So yeah if you like your workout music to be smart and lyrically genius, go ahead and give this a shot. Plus, that second half... wow. I'm not going to spoil it, but he really goes hard there.

1. Slide (Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean and Migos) (YE Position: #71)

Here we are, my number one, and it's by artists I've had a history of disliking, much like my #3. Calvin Harris, the maker of trashy EDM from the early-2010s. Frank Ocean, a talented but generally boring and moody singer. Migos... they made Bad and Boujee. I have plenty of reason not to like this. Yet I love it. I love it a lot. This is one of the best summer jams we've gotten in a long while. Every single element here comes together in a magical kind of way, this song might actually be too perfect. There's literally nothing wrong with it. Not even the higher-pitched intro and outro, the piano that goes with it makes it sound really nice. Not even Frank Ocean's delivery, it's breezy enough to go with the instrumental. Not even Migos, whose flows are some of the best of their entire career. Heck, not even Calvin Harris messes up here, this is by far the best instrumental he's ever done. Slick, shiny, and taking plenty of inspiration from the 70s and 80s, it's the glue that keeps the track together. And really, that's what a #1 song should be like. Everything needs to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle, and what a wonderful puzzle this is. Thank you all for being patient, and I'll see you when I see you.

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017 (with dishonorable mentions)

It's that time of the year!

Yep, that's right, it's list season. As per tradition, the worst must come first. Time to look over some especially bad songs that have gained traction over this past year. We're stretching from the borderline mediocre to the outright garbage today, folks, so you all had better be ready. It's not going to be pretty.

However, first, I'd like to disclose some dishonorable mentions. Seven this year, up from five, mostly because I could come up with more than fifteen songs I actually outright disliked. And as always, I will be basing this list on Billboard's annual Year-End Hot 100 chart, and each song will be paired with its corresponding position on that chart. With that said, let's get on with it.

Starving (Hailee Steinfeld and Grey ft. Zedd) (YE Position: #82)

Well, yeah, this is still terrible. Honestly, I just wanted to show this song some mercy by not putting it in the top 10 this year. As for where Heathens is, it's not here. I can at least understand why that song has any sort of appeal now, I'm not even sure I would put that on a worst list anymore. Can't say the same for this. Production is clunky, Hailee's voice is annoying, the drop is awful, the lyrics are lazy... it's not good, and that's about it.

Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley) (YE Position: #73)

You tried, Katy Perry. You tried so hard, you made the nicest sounding song on this worst list but you barely got anywhere, and in the end it didn't even matter. I buy Katy Perry as "woke" about as much as I buy that Roy Moore is a champion of women's rights, she just cannot pull this off. It's a song about how using mindless party songs to try and ignore how horrible the world is is a stupid thing to do... and yet Perry here is notorious for making mindless party songs! And no, bringing Bob Marley's grandson will not get you bonus points with anyone. Next.

Scars to Your Beautiful (Alessia Cara) (YE Position: #30)

Gold star for Cara for actually kinda trying. She just doesn't do a very good job of it. Look, if you're going to touch on the dark and nasty aspects of body negativity and positivity (eating disorders, for example), you need more emotion in your voice. I know the idea was that "Yeah, it's bad now, but you don't have to hate yourself, you're beautiful just the way you are," but if you want to lift someone up, have a bit more weight to your words. Don't sound so tired and passive, it makes it sound like you're not totally interested or sincere in your message.

Thunder (Imagine Dragons) (YE Position: #51)

Frankly, I don't think I've ever heard a song that sounds more like a commercial jingle than this one. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Imagine Dragons, transitioning from decent alternative rock to brain-dead synth pop with ear-grating instruments and a shrill voice in the background that's only good for car commercials. It's saddening, and it makes me cry. If you're gonna listen to these guys, just listen to their first album, maybe their second. Third album was awful, don't bother with that one.

Sorry Not Sorry (Demi Lovato) (YE Position: #47)

Former Disney princess Demi Lovato is generally capable of providing some strong hits and big sounds. I, for one, loved Cool For The Summer, so it's honestly kind of sad to see that this is the direction she's taking her career in. I honestly had no idea it was possible to make gospel singers sound annoying, or make Demi sound annoying, or... jeez, it's not even objectively bad, I just find it annoying to listen to. That's probably why it's not even in the top 10, I just can't bring myself to say it's awful, because it really isn't.

Rake It Up (Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj) (YE Position: #53)

I honestly kind of like this song in a "So stupid, it's impossible to hate it" kind of way. Can't really say the song's any good, though. Yo Gotti is one of those rappers who just kind of exists, there's not much that stands out about him except that his voice is kind of doofy. Nicki Minaj has a verse which... just kind of exists. The lyrics are really dirty and really silly, and I can find nothing about this song to take seriously. Still, it's the fun kind of bad, and it could totally be worse.

I'm The One (DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne) (YE Position: #12)

And here we are. DJ Khaled, the living meme. The guy who let a baby be credited as the executive producer on an album. No, he's not a rapper, he's a producer. He brings people together and tells them what to do. Long lists of featured acts are common for this guy, and... honestly, this sure sounds like it was produced by a baby. Annoying synths? Check. Boring verses? Check. Justin Bieber of all people on the chorus? Check. Add that all together and you get why I'm sad that nothing else that Chance The Rapper has ever done has cracked the top 40. I would've totally put No Problem on last year's best list, Coloring Book was amazing... come on. Just let me have something from you that's actually good, Chance. Please.

And with that, we're done with our honorable mentions. Now comes the hard part. The real true garbage. You all know what to expect. Get ready to hate yourself, it's gonna get messy.

10. Bad Things (Machine Gun Kelly ft. Camila Cabello) (YE Position: #41)

Rule 1 of making pop songs: Don't sample Fastball. Rule 2 or making pop songs: Don't sample Fastball. I get it, Fastball is a thing that exists, they were a two-hit wonder (The Way and Out of My Head were their hits, by the way), they used to be popular. I just doubt that most of your audience is going to remember them. Out of My Head is the name of the song being sampled here, and wow, this is misaimed. First, it's trashy pop rap from a guy who can do way better and has proven they can do way better. Second, the person singing the sampled lyrics is former Fifth Harmony member Camila Cabello, most famous for her breakout Havana single that came out a few months ago. This is worse than that, clearly. The worst thing about it by far is, again, the Fastball sample on the chorus. "I never mean to do bad things to you" becomes "I only wanna do bad things to you," making it abundantly clear that whoever thought the sample was a good idea just didn't care. Something about pain and pleasure? I don't care. This song is lousy.

9. Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem) (Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall) (YE Position: #63)

Easy targets make for easy lists. Case in point, here's an easy target. Two bratty teenagers make a dumb dance song and base it off of a Crime Mob sample. Also, fun fact, Zay Hilfigerrr is the youngest person by birth date to land a top 10 hit in the United States, even younger than Lil Pump. Does it excuse this song being terrible? No, but it's clear the pair weren't really trying to make anything good. This was popular on total accident, and it doesn't seem the two have any plans whatsoever to follow it up. If anything, it's his slightly older companion Zayion McCall with the worse lyrics, even in spite of Hilfigerrr calling my dad ugly. McCall only has one successful rhyme throughout his whole verse, and "if you compare me and you, then there would be no comparings" is one of the worst lyrics in anything that came out this year (yes, even worse than that "Who can relate? Whoo!" in that one suicide prevention song Logic did). Frankly, if you're gonna listen to something like this, just listen to Rolex by Ayo and Teo, they did the "dumb dance song that only exists for the dance" thing far better even in spite of barely being actual rappers. On to the next one.

8. Don't Wanna Know (Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar) (YE Position: #38)

First of all, this video's easily the most dated and awful of the entire year and I hate it. Second, the video doesn't have Lamar's verse so it's even more boring. It's honestly kind of magical how Lamar manages to be so amazing on his solo work yet can put out some of the most extraordinarily uninteresting guest verses one can find. But yeah, the rest of the song is terrible too. Adam Levine refuses to hit his highest notes, which is a blessing in disguise, but the rest of his delivery is tired and lacking in energy. If you're going to go for the bitter subject matter, at least sound more bitter instead of sounding like you just woke up and forgot to drink your coffee. Sound more bitter, sound more upset, have more emotion. The production is too bubbly to carry that subject matter, but not bubbly enough to be properly dissonant. Dissonance can be good if there's enough of it, and there just isn't here. It's dull, it's lazy and overall a waste of time.

7. Body Like A Back Road (Sam Hunt) (YE Position: #8)

No, this song never got a music video. Here's the lyric video. Yes, it was the eighth biggest song of the year. Let me be honest with you, I don't feel the same anger that a lot of people do for this song, but... I think I finally get it. I get why this is awful, I get why people have such a strong hatred for it. It's the title. You have a body like a back road. Coarse, rough, unpopular, dirty, unkempt, covered in greenery, and overall a bad time for anyone who isn't either a redneck or a hipster. I'm no redneck, I'm no hipster, why would I want anyone comparing me to a back road?! It's not like the rest of the song helps, the fact that it reminds me of a particularly bad Uncle Kracker song does not help. For the record, no, there will not be any country music on the best list. I'm not a huge fan of the genre as a whole, but this is just awful in its own right.

6. Fake Love (Drake) (YE Position: #37)
https://open.spotify.com/track/343YBumqHu19cGoGARUTsd

(no music video exists because Drake; go listen to it on Spotify or something, here's a link that I'm praying works)

So, Drake was a complete and total disappointment this year. No surprise, really, I blame oversaturation. He had a few good songs, but overall More Life was kind of lame. This is one of the worst cuts off of that album by the way, it's lousy. So, this is supposed to be a song about fake friends leeching off of your success. Perfectly fine. Just one question: Could you sound any less obnoxious, please? If you can't tell, the main thing that ticks me off about a song is when it annoys me. If it annoys me, then I can't find any enjoyment in it, even in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way. This isn't the fun kind of bad, it's just horribly mediocre, with a surprisingly lame beat and Drake sounding the worst he's ever sounded. It's a magical kind of bad that one has to experience to believe, it's almost entertaining. You know what's not entertaining? Number 5.

5. I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker) (Zayn & Taylor Swift) (YE Position: #26)

This is the only noteworthy song the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack produced. Not noteworthy in a good way, clearly, but noteworthy. This is officially the most basic, mediocre pop song of 2017. Nothing competes, nothing is more unmemorably bad than this. There's nothing particularly awful here, but at the same time, I could think of literally zero good things about it. At the end of the day, I feel like having no good is worse than having a few awful moments with a little bit of good. You have Zayn's awful falsetto, Taylor's complete non-presence, the production from Jack Antonoff (who, by the way, is most definitely capable of making good music) is lousy... above all else, it's a song from a dirty, sleazy movie that can't even bother to feel like it belongs in that movie. At least the first film had a catchy yet undeniably dirty pop ballad and sleazy R&B that, even if they weren't the best songs... at least they fit the movie. This can't even achieve that.

4. Tunnel Vision (Kodak Black) (YE Position: #55)

Behold, the absolute worst thing to come out of the trap boom. This... thing. Kodak Black is the stage name of Dieuson Octave, notable for being arrested for or accused of various crimes, ranging from robbery to battery and sexual misconduct. He also has a horrible voice that no one should have to listen to more than once per day, or even once per week. On top of that, we have lyrics that seem to be all over the place. Like, the general idea is that the police system treats him and others like him unfairly, yet he shows no remorse for the crimes he seems to admit to have done and practically brags about his substance abuse. Further still is the beat that would be good on literally anything else, with what appears to be a recreation of a song by Chilean folk group Inti-Illimani (because why not) hidden in there, and it doesn't even fit the tone of the track. I can only guess why the producers went for that one. Overall, it's terrible, next.

3. do re mi (Blackbear) (YE Position: #98)

This is the remix with Gucci Mane, by the way. The original didn't have Gucci and was way worse, I'd probably put the remix at like #10 or #9 or something, if only because his verse is actually pretty good. But hey, here we are. I was hoping this wouldn't make the list, but hey, this is just an excuse to tear this piece of garbage a new one. I'll take it. Anyway, where do we even begin with this? The verses aren't... totally terrible? No, the problem here is mainly the chorus. The absolute worst chorus on the list, even worse than the bottom two. The only reason this is above the bottom two is because of those verses, which are only slightly below average. Still, that chorus is a special kind of bad. Obnoxious, petty, trying and failing to be catchy, the list goes on. It's a song about telling a self-centered and conceited ex to **** off, so you'd think you'd want to make the protagonist likeable, right? That's not what's happening here. He's just as annoying and self-centered as the ex he's complaining about, as far as I can tell. If you want an example of how to completely fail to make you care about someone's struggles, this is it.

2. Issues (Julia Michaels) (YE Position: #29)

Do you know how many times I heard this on the radio? Too many. The best thing about this song is making fun of it on long car rides. Julia Michaels is one of the most consistently bad songwriters in modern pop, she's made very little good material (and if she has, it's most certainly not her writing that makes it good). All of your staple Julia Michaels tropes are here, from awkward wordplay to bad singing to rather unfortunate metaphors and lyrics with rather disturbing implications. So many things that I couldn't begin to go into detail on... oh my God, it's awful, it's awful. You have Julia Michaels herself, who sounds like she got kicked in the stomach and is now trying to catch her breath. Speaking of that, we have a couple that seems borderline abusive to each other, you have to wonder who the real crazy one is here. This is probably the least healthy relationship I've ever heard described in a mainstream pop song. It's legitimately unpleasant, and I never wanna hear it again.

1. Look What You Made Me Do (Taylor Swift) (YE Position: #39)

Here it is. Nuclear waste in music form. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure whether to go with this one or Issues for the number one spot, but I figured... one-hit wonder that no one's gonna remember in five years, or world-famous Taylor Swift trashing her own image for the sake of unfunny satire? I'll go with the unfunny satire. Nothing about this song works in any meaningful way. There is no cohesion, none of the million elements go well together. Sure, I can buy she made it this grating and terrible on purpose, but why would she do that? Was she just trying to rip off Kendrick Lamar's Humble, which was also about embracing the horrible things the right-leaning media (specifically Fox News) has said about him and becoming the cartoonish villain they painted him as? Probably not, but hey, it's fun to imagine. Why not, I mean he took the complete dumpster fire that was Bad Blood and made it at least partially salvagable. No, I think Taylor just listened to Katy Perry or Miley Cyrus or Kesha and said "Hey, sounding different is possible, let's try and sound different." And different ended up sounding like... well, a dumpster fire.

So, congratulations, Taylor Swift. You did it. Worst hit song of 2017. Don't congratulate yourself, please, never play this song live. Accept that this was a mistake and move on. I know I will. Next time I'm gonna be reading off my favorites. Stay tuned.

Review: Gucci Gang by Lil Pump

This'll be quick.

Okay, you're all probably wondering what the heck this song is. Here's as brief a summary as I can give.

Gazzy Garcia. He's born in August of 2000. He begins rapping in 2016 at the suggestion of his friend Omar Pineiro, better known as Smokepurpp, known as one of the biggest names in the Soundcloud-based rap scene of south Florida. Garcia begins to go by Lil Pump. Garcia starts putting up music, each song individually gaining well over a million streams. He goes on his first tour performances. He puts out two new singles, D. Rose and Boss. There are over 70 million combined streams between the two on Soundcloud alone. He begins working on his debut mixtape before he even turns 17. He then puts out a new single two weeks after his 17th birthday. It's Gucci Gang. It begins to chart. Then the mixtape drops, it's self-titled. It charts at #3 on the Billboard 200 albums chart, and reviews aren't totally terrible. Gucci Gang suddenly grows in popularity. A music video is released. The song reaches the top 10 in Canada and the United States. Here we are today.

Yep, this is a bit of a mess. This is a song that would get big in no other time in history but 2017 thanks to the absolute boom in popularity trap music has experienced. Then again, this guy is younger than me and he's in the top 10. Many of his contemporaries don't even make the top 20, there has to be something to this. I need to get to the bottom of this. Brace yourselves, this ride is gonna get bumpy.

Yes, he is selling lean and walking a tiger at a high school. What's stopping him?

First of all, you need to know something before you try to understand Lil Pump's music. You aren't supposed to understand it, there is no deeper meaning. Bling and b****es is the name of the game here, toss in some copious drug use and expensive clothes and you have yourself a typical Lil Pump song. The formula does not change whatsoever here; I mean, why would it? It's got him this far. Now that you understand what this song is about, let's actually talk about it. 

Wordplay isn't too horribly clever here. First of all, the title refers to Lil Pump's circle of friends, including the aforementioned Smokepurpp. They probably call themselves Gucci Gang because of their affinity for the Gucci brand of clothing. Other things Lil Pump says he likes include chains, Balmain jeans, Louboutin's, and doing prescription drugs, and dislikes WestJet and people who smoke cigarettes. It's something of a character study if you really want to think of it like that. It's really too short to even do that, though; the song is literally just an intro, then a chorus, then a verse, then the chorus again, and it's over.

Is there a saving grace here? Well, I like the production, I guess? It's not totally interesting, but I enjoy the percussion, and the piano's still stuck in my head as of writing. It... it exists, alright. Okay, what do you want me to say? It's Gucci Gang. I just like listening to it. It's hot garbage, sure, but I like listening to it.

Overall... yeah. the above few sentences pretty much summarizes my feelings on this song. It exists, it's terrible, but I like it anyway. Does that mean I'm going to give it a good score? No, but it means you won't be seeing it on 2018's year end lists, more than likely. Not sure when my 2000 project is coming out, but it's getting worked on.

SCORE: 5.5/10

What to Expect for the Future

Hey y'all, this is just a quick update. You may be wondering about my next review, and, well... I'm still trying to decide on a good one. There isn't a whole lot on the US charts that I can talk about, and I don't know enough about other countries' charts to discuss those, though I may consider doing a foreign song in the future. I'm working on something, though, so stay tuned for that. Expect a sequel to my old Multi Review Hour (A bunch of smaller reviews instead of one big one) if I can't find a good song to cover.

In the meantime, I figured it might be fun to look back a bit, try something a bit different. One of my favorite things about the Billboard charts is their year-end lists. I have something of a project in the works; I'll go look back at a list and briefly discuss every single song on that list. I can't expect that I'll for sure finish this project, but since I'm fairly passionate about it, I feel I can at least get it partly done. Stay patient for that.

But yeah, I'm not dead, I'm just slow. This isn't my job, mind you, I haven't monetized this blog at all. I won't give up on you all, not yet. Stay tuned in for further updates.

Review: Feel It Still by Portugal. The Man

That period was on purpose. That's really how their name is formatted.

So, uh, yeah. Portugal. The Man. There's an actual rock band in the top 20 that isn't Imagine Dragons or Twenty One Pilots, hallelujah. I mean, the song's more of a psychedelic-funk-pop fusion, but you get the idea, they're a rock band that makes rock music. This could very well end up being another Foster the People or The Neighbourhood kind of situation where this is their only song anyone cares about, but I don't care. It's a hit.

Okay, a little bit of background. Portugal. The Man is a sort-of psychedelic, indie, alt-rock kind of group, they're not like most mainstream rock acts. They're kind of experimental, which is fine. They have been putting out music since at least 2005, and this song here comes from their eighth major studio album Woodstock. The song is called Feel it Still.

As you can see, the video is also fairly wacky.

You may have heard this song a few time if you've watched any commercials recently, especially in the United States. Apple, Google, and even the guys behind VitaminWater have used the song in their adverts. Yeah, this is more of an American hit, so far it's only peaked at around number 42 on the UK charts, for example. Really, though, it doesn't matter, it's on the radio over here often enough. I'm counting it.

Normally, it gets kind of annoying seeing songs get popular through commercials (Alex Clare and X Ambassadors are examples of acts that have gotten success this way), but with a song as odd as this, I don't have many problems with it. It gives the charts a bit more diversity, it's refreshing seeing something like this so popular. There's a bit of old-school charm here somewhat akin to other hits we've had this year. Still, nostalgia's a bit of an industry nowadays, and a cool one at that. Well, I guess now's a better time than ever to talk about the actual song.

This is a song built around a chorus. Quite literally, the band themselves have said the writing process started with the chorus's first line "I'm a rebel just for kicks." Rebelling for the sake of rebelling. Because someone has to do it. The rest of the song just kind of gels off of it. It's just a solid line, you can do a lot with it. Also, yes, it is to the tune of the opening lines to The Marvelettes' Please Mr. Postman, why not?

They sure do a lot with it. There's something about the lead singer's kid in there, that's pretty much what the first two verses are about. This is more to solidify the feeling of oldness. They haven't literally been feeling it since 1966, but they sure feel like it. Reminiscing about those old counter-cultural movements is more what this song's about. What do I mean?

I mean what I say. It's a song about finding connections between what happened years ago and what's going on nowadays. Even the misguided allusion to the Beastie Boys' classic (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!) fits into this, as even though that song was made as a parody of "bleep the rules, I wanna party" songs, it just inspired that sort of rebellious attitude even more.

Besides that is the ancient feeling it gives off. The verses about raising a kid only add to that. This song is from the point of view of an older person who was alive around 1966, or at least feels that way, and it shows. The album it's from is even called Woodstock, there's no subtlety to that, and you know what? That's totally fine. It gets the point across. Old people feel old, but also see a bit of a connection to their youth in the turbulence surrounding them. Jeez, there's even a fairly subtle connection between the Berlin Wall and the reactions to the proposed US-Mexico border wall ("We could wait until the walls come down... it's time to give a little to the kids in the middle but oh, until it falls, it won't bother me."). It's subtle, but that's pretty obviously what they're going for.

 I think the verse that does it for me is the third one (the one with the line about the walls). It's a bitterly ironic one, talking about "fighting wars for peace" and "giving in to that easy feeling." It's directed at those who delibrately choose inaction, to go along with the flow and be blindly happy about whatever's going on, and punches are not pulled. Giving a little to the kids in the middle ain't gonna do much, but tearing that wall down sure will. It's brilliant.

Hey, if you're looking for something to rebel to, this is fine. Obvious commercial fodder, but hey, I like my commercial fodder. It's lively, it's energetic, it's inspiriting, and I love it. The album's alright, too. Next time, we're getting a bit more sane.

SCORE: 8/10

Review: Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift

It's like she took her legacy and threw it in an incinerator and left the door open to watch it burn.

Taylor Swift. She needs no introduction. She deserves no introduction. Everyone and their mother knows who this person is. I mean, maybe you don't if you're outside the United States, I don't know, I know a few of my readers are. I'll explain briefly.

Taylor Swift is a former country singer from Nashville, Tennessee who got her break writing and singing relatable country songs for fellow young people. Silly love songs. Breakup songs. She connected to the youth like no other country singer could, and she was successful doing this.

Eventually, around 2012, she started to transition into straight-up pop music. That year she released Red, an album which was mostly pop-country. There were straight country songs and straight pop songs, but it was mostly a blend. In 2014, however, she released 1989, an album which was basically just pop, no country to be seen. Needless to say, it was even more successful than Red and provided Swift with some of her biggest hit singles to date. Now, in 2017, she is set to release her next album Reputation this November, set to have another fairly dramatic career direction change to a harsher electropop sound. She recently released the first single from that album, titled Look What You Made Me Do.

Needless to say, it was polarizing. There were those who liked it for the sudden and bold stylistic change, and others hated it for that exact reason. It's an odd song, certainly, one that might take me a while to explain. Am I up for the challenge? Probably not. I'll try anyway.

So, this song is a dark, edgy bit of electropop with elements of electroclash (a style of electronic music that was vaguely popular in the late 1990s). Also, remember when I talked about Jack Antonoff a few reviews ago (the guy from fun who wrote that one song from Fifty Shades Darker that also had Swift on it)? Yeah, he produced and co-wrote this. You wanna know who else wrote this? The guys from Right Said Fred. How?

Well, would you believe me if I told you the chorus interpolates the chorus of Right Said Fred's hit single I'm Too Sexy? It's true. Trust me, it's as jarring as it sounds. Basically, Swift sings "Ooh, look what you made me do" in the exact same manner as that which Richard Fairbrass says the immortal line "I'm too sexy for my shirt." I have two problems with this. One, it sounds clumsy and arrogant. Two, sampling I'm Too Sexy is, in 99% of circumstances, a terrible idea. It's a classic, and I will hear no counterarguments. It's a masterpiece. Literal perfection.

Of course I'm kidding, but it's still a terrible idea. I'm Too Sexy was a deeply ironic critique of the fashion industry. This loses all of that depth and dives straight into pettiness. It ends up leaving us with probably the worst chorus Taylor Swift has ever made, and possibly the worst chorus of 2017. This is on the level of last year's worst choruses. It's barely even a chorus, there's less going on than there is in any of the verses. I know the chorus is usually the spot in a song with the least amount of lyrical depth, but jeez, it doesn't even get the point across. "Look what you made me do?" What did we make you do?

That's barely even getting into the lyrical content. It's so clearly about her feuds with Kanye West and Katy Perry that it isn't even subtle. I'm pretty sure I heard some lyrical allusions to Perry's own Swish Swish from her most recent album, a song that, while not great, at least had a groove to it. At least Katy Perry had swagger. This has about as much swagger as a corpse in a centuries-old graveyard.

This song is the embodiment of pettiness. Look, I get Taylor Swift is usually fairly petty. She makes pettiness anthems like they're coming out of style, but this is probably the worst offender. Not only is it petty, it is arrogant and absolutely edgy. The constant whining and pettiness coming from the lyrics is legitimately unbearable to handle. Here is a link to the lyrics, I couldn't even begin to describe them in detail. It isn't even just the lyrics, it's the delivery. The whining is apparent from the first few lines. You can tell she feels very entitled to her opinion, whether you like it or not. Her tone is absolutely grating in every single line, from the full-of-herself monotone to the shrill tones of the pre-chorus. It's awful, bottom line.

So yeah, this is the worst pop song of the year so far. Not only is it bad, it's Taylor Swift giving her own career the middle finger. She says it herself. "I'm sorry, the old Taylor...she's dead!" She's reinventing her career again, only it's gone backwards this time around. It's terrible, and her follow-up single ...Ready for It? wasn't much better. I'm not looking forward to the album.

Next time, I have no idea.

SCORE: 2.75/10

Review: Bodak Yellow by Cardi B

Missed me?

Welcome back to the blog. I went on a bit of an unannounced hiatus a few months back, and I'm sorry for that. I had a few reasons, but most important was I was feeling burnt out. There was nothing in the music world worth writing about, and I couldn't be bothered to make another Leagueposting (though maybe I could do one in the near future, League of Legends is kind of a mess right now and is only gonna get messier). So, for a few months, I waited. Now that school's back in for me, I can focus on the blog again. Because, really, whenever school's around, I want to think about literally anything else. But anyway, let's get on with the show.

Here's a question. Has anyone here watched Love & Hip Hop? Well, knowing my demographic, probably not. It's a show featuring various women involved in the rap industry in some way, whether they actually be rappers or friends of friends of rappers (Yes, I said "friends of" twice on purpose.). Today, we'll be talking about an actual rapper who was on the show, Cardi B.

Cardi B is the pseudonym of Belcalis Almanzar, a social media personality who got her start as an actual stripper (this is why I don't want kids reading this blog) before quitting that line of work and transitioning into music in 2015. Around that time, she joined the cast of Love & Hip Hop: New York, appearing on the show throughout its sixth and seventh seasons. She ultimately left to focus on her music, and the result was Bodak Yellow, a single that interpolates the flow of fellow rapper Kodak Black's single No Flockin'.

To say this song didn't get big suddenly would be a lie. This is an artist who had never charted a single on the Hot 100 up to that point, and she made it to the top 3 within seven weeks, and as of writing she's still there. Now, whether Taylor Swift's song ends up making it drop a few spaces has yet to be seen (but trust me, we'll talk about that one eventually), but for now it's a total beast. Is it any good? Let's just see about that.

Normally, these trap hits have a bit of a crutch. That crutch is the beat. The beat is the backing track produced by, well, the producer. Even otherwise mediocre or terrible songs can be saved by solid or infectiously-catchy beats (examples include Tunnel Vision by the aforementioned Kodak Black, Magnolia by Playboi Carti, and Mask Off by Future).  What does this song have?

Nothing memorable. Just kind of a basic beat. I barely even remember what it sounds like.

Now, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. If anything, it's sort of a blessing. It allows you to pay better attention to the lyrics themselves as well as Cardi B's performance. She's a strong, independent (well, not totally independent, she's still on a label) rapper who don't need no crutch. Honestly, it's refreshing to see this kind of old-fashioned approach to rapping from a newer face. Congratulations, Cardi B, you caught my interest. Now keep it.

It really isn't fair to judge the performance when it comes to hip hop, but that just means I'll have to go extra hard on the lyrical content. There's no singing, it's rough, it's edgy, it's all rap. It's not a clean song, it's not a pop song, this isn't Nicki Minaj we're talking about. This is very definitely trap. What does that mean for the lyrics? It's not a good sign. Trap hits tend to be very much about the same things: Money, drugs and intercourse.

This does not stray far from that. It's a very crude track, and also very unapologetic. It reminds me a little bit of Young M.A. in that regard. Young M.A. is a fellow rapper who became a bit of a one-hit wonder with her single Ooouuu earlier this year, and it was an equally crude and unapologetic track. Bodak Yellow is a bit more polished and focuses a bit more on the wealth aspect.

But yeah, back to Bodak Yellow. Sex, drugs, money. Does Cardi have anything to add to that? Well, yes, actually. There's actually kind of a theme here. This song is basically about how she used to be a stripper, but she developed a strong work ethic and now she isn't. Good for her. She's fully willing to brag about it, but she seems grateful, at least. It reflects in her lyrics. Sure, she'll talk about how good her sex is, and she has no qualms admitting ties to the Bloods street gang, but you know, that's just how she rolls. She doesn't have to dance now, she makes money moves.

Overall, yeah, it's alright. Not amazing, it doesn't really stand out in any way. I'm just glad there's a rap song that can actually have some focus. I'll give credit where credit is due, she's talented. No garbage this time, sorry. Maybe next time... actually, yes, next time. Promise I'll cover garbage next time, okay?

RATING: 7/10

Review: Body Like a Back Road (Sam Hunt)

My first country review. Aren't you proud?

     Sam Hunt is the quintessential pop country act of the 2010s. What, you thought that was Taylor Swift? She doesn't even count as country anymore. Now we have the 32-year-old Sam Hunt to fill that pop country void. He'll tell you he's more country, but there's definitely a lot of pop and R&B influence in his music. Here we have his second major pop crossover, Body Like a Back Road, a song about... well, you'll see.

    
     There are a few reasons I chose to use the lyric video for this one. One, there's no music video for this thing; the only other upload of this song is just a close-up picture of a road. The other... I just want you to get a load of those lyrics. They're the fun part.

     But first, how does the song actually sound? There's a light, care-free attitude on this thing that's more reminiscent of earlier pop country than the bro country that was ever-present a few years ago and that Sam Hunt paraded endlessly. Honestly, it's refreshing by Sam Hunt's standards (which aren't very high, but I digress), way to go. I can see why this was picked up for pop radio, it's got a fairly upbeat tone as far as most modern country goes, and Sam Hunt does well to fit that. That's one positive. Are there any other?

     ...nah. The lyrics just plain kill me. The title basically tells you all you need to know. He's comparing this woman's body, the curves especially, to a back road. You know, dirty country roads that no one else travels along because it's easy to get lost and they're only really good for looking at scenery on? But of course, since Sam Hunt is a Country Boy™, he knows that body like the back of his hand. In fact, he's going to go as slow as he can physically make himself. You know what that means, right?

     Sex.

     Why do I keep covering the lousy sex songs? Why can't I get something Marvin Gaye would be proud of? Well, I suppose it's not ALL about sex. There are also lines about how "the way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no belt." Don't worry, he can turn them inside out without any help. There's also... stuff about driving around, watching the scenery, enjoying nature... and making out while you do it. Jeez, this song is gross.

     That's my idea of an emotional response for you. It's gross, it's icky, it's uncomfortable. Hey, it feels good to listen to, at least. Overall, this song is about as middle-of-the-road as it gets. I want to rank it lower, but I'm enjoying the production too much. Maybe by the end of the year I'll hate it as much as I want to, but for now, here's a middling, mediocre score. Who knows what I'll cover next time...

SCORE: 5/10

Review: Rockabye (Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul and Anne-Marie

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES who are stuck raising children NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP.

     I figured I'd cover a more international hit this time around. It's not that none of the songs on the charts are good, it's just that I'd like to cover something that's not as insanely successful in the United States as it is overseas. I think I've found the right song for that.

     This is Rockabye, a bit of dancehall-ish tropical house by British electronic group Clean Bandit, featuring vocals from Jamaican recording artist Sean Paul and British singer and songwriter (but not always a singer-songwriter) Anne-Marie. This song has been absolutely massive internationally (especially in the UK and Australia) yet has only made it into the top 10 very recently because of an iTunes sale. Am I happy it's finally in the Top 10, or do I wish it never crossed over at all? Let's figure that out.

     Well, first off, this is nothing like most of their other material. Clean Bandit tend to like to use lots of classical instruments in their recordings, with each member knowing how to play actual instruments instead of just knowing how to press buttons on a table. I mean, sure, the intro and outro all feature their signature instruments, but this is a lot more... tropical than usual. Yep, it's time for Yet Another Tropical House Song!

     Honestly, I don't try to cover so many tropical house/dancehall-ish pop tracks, it's just what's in right now. Blame Justin Bieber's comeback in 2015. It sounds nice, though I do admit it doesn't feel very inspired. When it comes to the sound department, other Clean Bandit songs just feel a lot better. Rather Be, their last hit, was so much more interesting and fun, and this is just kind of... okay. Good. Decent. Nothing great.

     That's kind of how I'd describe the song as a whole, really. I mean, I guess there's the lyrics? They're about a single mother trying to raise a child, it's tough. That's nice, I guess. But yeah, it's... slightly above average. I really can't think of much else to say, it's just... eh. It's alright. Next time maybe I'll cover a song that brings about a more emotional response in me, but for now... eh. There's this.

SCORE: 6.5/10

Review: I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Zayn and Taylor Swift)

This was a mistake.

     So, the movie Fifty Shades Darker was just recently released. It is the sequel (which no one asked for) to the hit erotic drama Fifty Shades of Grey, a film about a semi-abusive relationship being treated romantically. In the sequel, the two grow closer as people or something, I don't know, I'll never see it. Besides, I'm more interested in the soundtrack. Last year, two top-3 hits came off of that soundtrack. This year, we have a single top-2 hit: I Don't Wanna Live Forever. It's a collaboration between former One Direction member Zayn Malik (or simply Zayn) and former country singer Taylor Swift. How does it hold up, considering how much of a mixed bag last movie's soundtrack was? Let's figure that out for ourselves.

     For now, we'll talk about the sound itself. We can blame Jack Antonoff for the sound on this thing. He's the lead guitarist for Fun, a Grammy Award-winning indie pop-rock act that was briefly popular in 2012 and even more briefly in 2013; the went on hiatus in 2015. Antonoff is the producer of this thing, and one of the three writers (along with Swift and songwriter Sam Dew). When I think about it... boy, this does sound kind of like a Fun song.

     As in, it sounds like a song by the band Fun, and not that the song is in any way fun. That "millennial whoop" in the chorus (God I hate that term), the overblown sound, the trying-too-hard-to-sound-meaningful thing that's always been a problem with indie pop/rock... it's got all of that in an electro-R&B package. Fun could pull that off well; these two cannot.

     You see, Fun have a very theatrical, over-the-top style that makes their problems not so problematic. Fun are, well, fun. This is not fun in the slightest. It's meant to be sad, it's meant to be sultry. Fun were never good at that. They're all about big emotions, not subtlety or romance. Out of production like this I would probably expect something... more. More of what, I don't know. It just feels very empty.

     So yeah, the sound flopped. What about our performers? If you've followed my blog, you probably know that I'm not especially fond of Zayn. His debut album without One Direction was lousy, and the lead single from said album, Pillowtalk, was absolutely abysmal. Here... he's still Zayn. The falsetto is fairly annoying, though I have to admit it's challenging to try and make a falsetto sound good in popular music. As for Taylor Swift... what do you want me to say? It's Taylor Swift. Moving on.

     This is a lyrically boring song, that's for sure. Allow me to summarize the entire song in one sentence: Two former lovers want to get back together. That's basically it. You'd think that in a movie in a franchise famous for the kinky sex (which is, admittedly, rather tame), the soundtrack would be more... sexy. Rather, it tries to focus on the part that no one cares about: The romance. It's sort of related to Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey's relationship at the beginning of the movie. Yes, those are horrible names. It's a horrible franchise, so I wouldn't expect any better. But anyway... actually, never mind. It's not worth trying to dissect this any further.

     So... yeah. I don't wanna live forever, either. This is a bad song, no doubt about it. It's horribly forgettable, horribly expendable, and horribly unsexy. Go ahead and listen to the song if you want, but if you end up hating it... hey, I warned you.

SCORE: 4/10